back

I'm back?
More later.

- gmari .

incredible

I've been given a second chance and something's happening;
I'm just watching it slip through my fingers and..
I'm catching something I tried so hard not to.
Now that I've fallen - what am I gonna do?


- gmari .

umm..

I know I've been there already for 4 years,
but I just am not ready to go back...

FIFTH YEAR! :(


- gmari .

un-

Unbreak my heart,
say you love you'll love me again.
Undo this hurt you caused,
when you walked out the door
and walked out of my life.
Uncry these tears,
I've cried so many nights.
Unbreak my heart.


- gmari .

anxiety

" There are worse sins than trying to be happy again. "


- gmari .
P.S. I Love You..

hush hush

I don't wanna do this any longer.
I know next to you is not where I belong.
Our love is broken.
Prove to me that I'll be happy again,
don't just say it this time.


- gmari .
P.S. sorry for the long wait.
I have a million things on my mind..

relentless

Nothing says FML better then the actual words themselves.
You know what? You're incredibly relentless. You're amazing.
I don't mean it in a good way. You're all fine once, then the
next minute you're not. You cry because no one's there to care
about you, but when someone tries, you push. Man, what is wrong
with you? Fuck, why do you even bother? YOU DON'T EVEN WANNA
BE BOTHERED! Jeez. I'm sick of this. I don't know why I'm considering
the fact that you might actually care, when really fucking don't.
Do you ever, EVER think of anyone but yourself? If you really did,
you wouldn't do this. Fuck. I can't believe I'm sticking around.


- gmari .
P.S. I can't fucking wait. Just. Watch.

party

Mary's was jooookes.
I was an unexpected candle lol.
Escort was Geebes, so wuhevuh.
lol, tonight was great.
How awkward was it that Peter was there? LOL
ANYWAY.. I have a bigass headache, sooo..
one or two more episodes of Shippuden,
then bed and stuff.
MINE = FML.


- gmari .

farewell

I can't believe I wanted to stay for you.
Leave and I'll keep my feelings inside for another time.


- gmari .
p.s. happy isn't around the corner..
for me at least. It's eating me up inside.

apologetic

I don't know what to feel anymore.


- gmari .

pringles

Chilling with Amanda tomorrow,
running Monday ? :)
I love coincidents.


- gmari .
P.S. don't let me down..
even though you already will.
P.P.S. you JUST let me down.
Nevermind, fuck coincidents.

compromise

It's the falling out that's taking forever.
I WANNA FRIGGIN' SEE YEAR ONE ALREADY :(
I wrote another song :) finally!
And I actually got further in the other ones.
WHOOT, gotta practice singing now.


- gmari .
P.S. I'm addicted to the song Sweet Misery by Latif
and All To Myself & Cross My Heart by Marianas Trench

lick!

I'm applying for Lick's.
NO ONE SAY NU'N!
Shut up, that's not it..
I'm applying for other places too.
OH GOD.
The jobhunt begins..


- gmari .
P.S. Mixed signals much?

musicallyinclined

Finished writing 2 songs, now I'm finishing the 4 I started.
Hope I can like record these somehow. Hmm..
I did something I haven't done in a while, with you.
3 in the morning I get a text from you,
then I stay on the phone with you til sunrise.
Haha, I miss when we used to do that..

I have this empty feeling..
like I haven't eaten.
Just.. in my heart.
What the fuck?


- gmari .
P.S. downtown with gee was fun,
friday, transformers with ticsay.
SUMMER'S GREAT (Y)

naive

It was all a lie.


- gmari .

3/4 (basically DONE)

Religion was the longest damn exam of my LIFE.
Thank GOD its done. My fucking gasss.

I'm supposed to be leaving this school and saying "finally!"
but, unfortunately, I'm coming back. I had potential.. but oh well.
It gives me more time, and frankly, I don't want to leave.
I love the simple life.

Summer is initially beginning.
School's done and so is everything else..
Guess some things were better left untouched.
Whatever.
I got nothing to worry about.
I'm so used to having nothing real.

Tomorrow is Nina's party.
Monday chillage with Gee.
I'm ready to spill.
I think I need to cry?
Haven't had a good one in a long, long, while.


- gmari .

2/4

I was right. Travel & Tourism MURDERED me.
Know what I noticed? I really shouldn't care anymore.
OMG, I'M READY TO FAAAIL TOMORROW !


- gmari .
P.S. he's soo over this.

next

It's meant for nothing but one thing.
You know what this means? I just don't care anymore.
I might be the only one serious about it, but oh well,
it's happened before, I can take it again.

I hope this is getting to you.
Honestly, I don't wanna be used to this..

English exam was easy breeezy.
Tomorrow = death.
Monday = AJRBTIME. ;)


- gmari .

gullable

My period four exam's on monday. Fuck me.
The only thing I thought was the greatest part of my day, just got ruined.
Stupid day gone to waaaaste.

Whatever, this was bound to happen. I warned you.


- gmari .
P.S. I fucking hate my life.

crunch time

Exam week has started and I'm crunching all the exam reviews as quickly as I can.
Let's overview shall we?

4th period - Comtech: Initially takes only 5 mins,
but I have to stay for the whole full damn hour.
Handed in everything I can for that class, so hopefully,
I can pass by a 50. Studying time; none.
1st period - English: Apparently, Karman says there's no
studying to be done for this exam. Just a cite passage and
multiple choice and an essay. YES! I'm sooo happy and
thankful for that. And plus, I'm passing that class with
an 89, soo, even if there WAS studying, I'd have passed
with flying colours. Studying time; none.
2nd period - Travel & Tourism: I hate this fucking subject
because I literally have to study every friggin thing.
EVERY DAMN DETAIL. I'm gonna die. The damn review is a PAGE.
Omg. I'm gonna shoot myself and fail this exam.. well,
I don't know, 'cause I'm studying twice as hard for this
subject. Studying time; forever.
3rd period - Religion: I think this'll be the worst damn exam ever.
I have to study shit I intentionally CHOSE not to listen to.
Oh my god, I'm going insane for this one. When I'm done stressing
over my second, I have to stress over this fucking shit. Oh my god,
after I die over t&t, this will kill me even more. I don't know if
that's possible, but it's about to be. Studying time; forever and beyond.

FUCK MY LIIIIIFE!


- gmari .

compensation

Both of you can fuck cheesegrators.
I need to stop being so pissed and stressed.
I need a release, a break from this nonsense.
I need to be happy.

Exams are coming up soon and I have done ZERO reviewing because of these damn teachers.
ISUs due all this week, most of mine of been postponed on my watch
or left for last minute or accidentally deleted.
Do you know what this means?
It means watch me go insane and scream FML!

Life just does not like me too hot right now.
I don't want reality right now.
It stinks.


- gmari .

irony

I knew this was gonna happen, but TEXT? Please.
You expect me NOT to be mad?

One more week of classes, I really have to focus.
Fuck my life and my sore body.


- gmari .

over

PROM WAS LIVE !
actually it was aiiight..

you love someone else like that, guess thats alright.
you dont really care about me, guess thats alright too.


- gmari .

countdown!

TOMORROW IS PROM!!


- gmari .
p.s. my mom has an approval?! WHAT?! :D

countdown!

2 MORE DAYS
til prom!


- gmari .

countdown!

3 MORE DAYS
til prom!


- gmari .

unbelievable

(8)If I never knew you, I would live my whole life through lost forever if I never knew you.

"Just stay on the phone with me til you fall asleep and I'll meet you there.."
Something this good can't be real.
My gut feeling is actually being positive about this.
Finally my heart and mind agree on one thing. And that's you.
Thanks for staying up til 6 with me.

* She's not saying goodbye. You took a good deal of her life and you made a great impact.
You deserve to stay where you are. It may not be now, but maybe, just maybe, it'll be later.
Maybe..


- gmari .

yield

So, school's almost done. Finally. Prom's like, NEXT WEEK. I'm going insane here.
I'm sooo excited. Besides the fact that I'm in excrutiating pain, I couldn't be happier.
I dropped dead weight (not literal) and I'm so strung out.. :)
Life could be better, but for now I'm ecstatic.
Kinda, FML still though..
MISS KERI BABY + AJ RAFAEL = <3


- gmari .

funny

Everything seems to die out around me.
Time to get lost in music.


- gmari .

as if..

As if I'm gonna let you break my heart again.
You're funny.


- gmari .

<3

I'm in fucking love with Keri Hilson.


- gmari .

use-ful/less

Funny how you want one thing and then end up wanting another.
It gets hard to keep track of all these feelings.
I got to remember to not latch on.
...or if I am, must get off quickly..


- gmari .

fifty/fifty?

At this point, anything goes.
Let the chips fall where they may.
Whatever happens, happens.


- gmari .

easyamusement

I find very ironic that stereotypes obliging to uniqueness, fall under the stereotypical name.
I also find it a bit hypocritical since they STILL don't know it.

I may be what you call a hypocrite in those terms..
but, what you probably don't know is that;
I don't claim to be unique or different..
I guess that's what sets me apart from those hypocritical stereotypes.
Sets me apart, or binds me? The fuck should I know?


- gmari .
P.S. Did that mindfuck you as much as it did me?

stupidity

I seriously should've just given this up from the start.
Why'd you have to waste your time on me?
I usually hate nightschool, but tonight wasn't so bad.
Had a very interesting conversation about books, movies and Harry Potter.
It was such a dead day today overall, but hey..
nightschool ACTUALLY got my mind off things...
For now..


- gmari .

done

I'm seriously done with you.
You can only piss me of so much to a point where I can't take it anymore.
I'm fed up.
Goodbye JJLT.. Hello AJRB :)


- gmari .

proud

I can't be bothered to make what's supposed to be in the past, work.
Never thought I could think of someone else so much when with someone else..

Can't believe I feel this way, and knowing you could feel the same,
it's just so amazing.


- gmari .

addiction

SO, the mother's day weekend is done, and I'm practically done my prom shopping.
I just have no idea wtf to do with my hair. I might have to buy gold shoes.
Achk, anyway, today was not bad not bad.. I smiled big time most of the day.
So tomorrow's the trip to see Midsummer night's dream then nightscool.
Whoopdi-frickin-doo. Well, I'm happy.

This attachment to you.. it's getting really addicting.
You're getting addicting.


- gmari .

thankful

"Instead of crossing my mind, you should stay there."


- gmari .

DenyingDenial

He was blaming it on the alcohol, but it's obvious he was lying.
Caught up in his own damn lie and covering it up with more lies.
No matter what she says, he'll always deny. Then he'll deny that he denied.
What the fuck?

The best release is music.
I'm a bit disappointed today.. for numerous reasons. Fuck my life.

" I know how you feel babylove, it's eating me up inside. " - OHHANNAH


- gmari .

regret

I should've just stuck with giving up.

Me and my stupid mouth.
I'm never speaking up again, it only hurts me.
I'd rather be a mystery than he desert me.
I'm never speaking up again starting now..


- gmari .

fml

There's a point in time when you wake up just to fall down,
walk around downtown for hours,
get aching feet,
go to nightschool,
come late after break,
get a disappearing headaches
and have an awkward conversation about b.o.,
where you have to say,
FUCK MY LIFE.

Did I mention that I HATE nightschool?


- gmari .

sufferage

My weekend was a tiring one.
Although, finally with a prom dress, I don't have a date or a ticket.
I'm more concerned about the ticket thing than the whole date thing.
So, uhm, I hate spiders. And I hate being paranoid.. especially about them.
Blehck, so here's an overview on my day today...

Karman wasn't here for first period.
Which is really odd since she's usually here the day before a trip.
In second, were starting on Brazil. Fucking shit..
I hate these stupid maps on the landforms.
Makes me wanna DIE. Lunch was blah.
Spent like the entire lunch listening to my friend's problems and stuff.
Then decided to buy him a drink, but he wasn't there to get it from me.
I was happy when I saw him and got a hug.
ANYWAY, third literally made me feel like passing out.
I felt like sleeping or dying.. whichever.
Then in fourth I felt just like passing out on the couch in comtech and fade away.
OMG, I'M SOOO TIRED.

So like, I'm having second thoughts about things.
Then again, I always am.
I always put myself in the negative connotaions that I forget that I'm not supposed to.
MEAH. Trip tomorrow, chillage tomorrow, night school tomorrow.

Someone PLEASE kill me :(


- gmari .

undeniable

I can't sleep right.
I'm gaining insomnia because of this, but I don't want it to stop.
I'm hallucinating and my thoughts circle around this one target that seems to pinpoint my heart towards it.
Butterflies, but it's alright. I know better this time.
I'm not gonna put everything I can into this, because what happened before always seems to happen again and again.
I'm careful now. I know better now.

Thinking twice never appealled to me before, but here I am thinking thrice.
Smartest thing I've ever done in a while.


- gmari .

infatuation

I haven't blushed this much since august :)

p.s. I finally got my prom dress, now I just need my ticket..


- gmari .

reoccurance

Usually, on fridays, I take a five hour nap. Which I just did.
I woke up from it like, 40 mins ago, so I'm a bit shaky.
I had this dream.. and it's always been the same one.
The same dream for more than a week now. Why? I'm not quite sure.
But it always ends the same. With a big fat nothing or question mark at the end.
This is something I'm probably going to write a note about on facebook..
and give out the whole dream on livejournal. It's the weird of a dream.
Well, it's not exactly weird, it's just been extremely repetitive.
I wake up with butterflies in my stomach and I feel weak-kneed.
It's a waste of a feeling because I know what's going to happen.
The same thing always happens in real life as oppose to the dreams.
In dreams, the wishes come true. In reality, nothing ever really works out.

Speaking of reality, today was a slow day for me.
It was kind of, 'all work and no play'. I went to
town after school, and I regret not going to Norma Reeds
to look for a nice yellow prom dress. Speaking of prom,
I have to buy my ticket this coming week, or I think I
might slap someone. I'm kinda of persistant on this without
being totally committed yet. In buying the ticket, I mean.
Hmm, well, I saw Darwin today. Haha, haven't in the longest
time. Like, we honestly planned to see eachother in like..
feb or march, and we see eachother NOW. How fortunate can
you get with time? WOW, another mindfucking idea!
..Oh let me tell you about that..

So on facebook, I'm writing notes about subjects that mindfuck you.
Mindfuck, meaning they're things you'd never think to think of and
when you think of it, you think hard and long trying to figure everything
out. It's really ironic in a way. Anyway, I'm trying to think of these
ideas so I can mindfuck my ownself and others along with me. Well,
that's half true, I just want people to start thinking outside the
box, because, well.. it's just that much more interesting.

I don't know what else to say but, my "mediocre attempts"
are way too mediocre to attempt (haha). Meaning that I don't
want to anymore. As my previous entry will tell you, I've given up.
It's not that I pussied out or anything, but that I've given this
alot of thought and finally came up with a solution. What's the
point in trying if it goes nowhere? But then I'm thinking.. should
I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? WHOOT! Song reference!

Anyway.. this'll conclude my thoughts.
As do all my thoughts end with a musical reference
and you know what that means? It's time to listen to that song :)


- gmari .

conclusion

I give up. On both sides.


- gmari .

mediocreattempts

I will probably do something stupid, but my heart will be in the right place.
I will probably do something crazy, but its all because im curious.
I will probably do something fucked, because its hit me hard.

I'll probably end up with the same results because I always do.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.


- gmari .

avarice

Jealousy is funnier to watch then to experience.


- gmari .

well done

I haven't written in this for.. 3 days? So I think I should recap on what's been going on.. okay? Cool.

Thurs. April 23/09 - Last day before long ass weekend. Just wanted to go home and sleep, really.
It was the day I got my enormous headache and then you know, died when I got home.
I went straight to sleep to see if I could get rid of the pain if I didn't wake up for a while.
And boy was I wrong. It got worse, and my stomach was aching too.
I felt like throwing up everytime I moved. Incredible pain.
I didn't call my mom to get me medicine for like an hour, which was bad, cause I was suffering alot.
So I took my tylonol and all that mumbo jumbo, and felt better for friday.

Fri. April 24/09 - Jhulius' 18th birthday/dinner! And actually, a p.a. day.
Which was totally fucking awesome. Went to his dinner thing and everything was cool.
Didn't finish my burger, still was a bit sick from thursday, so I took like 3 bites and had like 5 fries.
Very sad considering the fact that I eat like a pig.
Brought Eunice, Nikka and Russell. Paid for Euni and Nikks, sooo, but all is well.
Took like no pictures, even though I planned to. Oh well, night school? Haha.
So, bought what I needed and got home at around 8 something, and got set for saturday.

Sat. April 25/09 - Tash and Stef's birthday party! Also, a celebration alone.
Oh well, was meant for only one, haha dry.. So, anyway. Friday night was killer.
On thursday, I might've died, but I was in excrutiating pain last night.
You have no idea. I had to sit UP instead of lie DOWN to feel slightly better, and I was STILL in pain.
I had to take more medicine to get the pain to stop.
So, met up with Becerra, Adam and Heather at Kennedy and bused to Tash's house.
Got there at 2 and party hearty for sooo long. It was fucking bomb.
I had sooo much fun. I don't remember lauging this hard on a weekend, in such a long ass time.
Got home at 9:30, and I'm good. So, weekend well spent? Indeed.
Sunday's my day to rest and work. Haha, yeah..

SOOOO, all in all, I'm living my life. Initially, up to my standards.
I'm getting my ass out and about like I was supposed to do like, what? A year ago?
I'm just fine. I think this whole fever, migrain and cramp business,
made me realize that I should not be in the house all the time.
I should be out alot more. And I'm damn proud I'm making out alive.
Even if it is alone :) lmao.. no emo movements! <3


- gmari .

schoool is whack

So I'm in school right now. In Comtech class. My teacher isn't here and I'm bored out of my mind.
Since I didn't post anything yesterday, I'm posting now.
Let me tell you about last night..
I got pissed because I didn't get a 'well done' for the three classes I'm passing.
Nope. I get a 'do fucking better you failure'.
I'm not passing one, which is THIS class I'm in now,
but I'm working my ass off on other fucking subjects to pass them,
so I think I deserve a pat on my back.
Nah, instead I get a smack across my face.
Oh effing well.

I'm busy as hell this weekend.
At least I'm getting out of the house.
I can't wait til prom, which I still don't have a dress for.. OR A TICKET!
But I'm still going. I can't wait for friday or saturday.
Oh man, I getting so hyped.
Everything had better go well, or I'm totes getting in trouble and crying my ass off.
So yeah, I'm hyped on spending money on bitches I love.

Everything's going fine I guess.
I ain't mad at life, nah. Not right now.
I'm pretty content.
So, I'm gonna get back to writing my superfantastic story
and finishing my magazine cover for Cometch.

Don't get it twisted. Or, Don't twist, get it? HAHA.. shut up..


- gmari .

alienate

I just can't wait for friday.


- gmari .

moderation

I'm tired. I've been working on alot it seems.
I've been sketching like crazy, writing songs,
focusing on work, looking for jobs,
chilling with friends and doing what I would normally not do.
It's kinda crazy, and it's making me exhausted.
I mean, I'm glad I'm getting my old habits back and everything,
but I didn't realize how much I gave up on. Damn, I really am lazy.

So here's the good news, I'm going to prom and I'm incredibly excited.
I know what colour dress I want and I know what I'm gonng do for my hair and make-up.
The only problem is.. I don't have the damn money,
which is why I'm taking so damn long to buy everything,
when in reality, prom is like.. a month away.
I shouldn't panic though.. I'm good at this last minute stuff.

Friday, I have so much to do..
and I cannot let anything stop me from doing it this time.
I'm happy with life right now.
Come on now, Angelica.. don't fuck this up..


- gmari .

reappearing

Today was really good.
Though what I thought would be done, didn't get done, I still had fun.
And my heart will never change, I know that for certain.
I'm happy.
Didn't get to write this yesterday, so,
happy belated 22nd to my Uncs and happy birthday to Amanda & Stefan!


- gmari .

pure bliss

Today was a damn good day. I'm doing well in school?

English - 89%
Travel & Tourism - 61%
Religion - 79%

I'm not sure about my Comtech mark yet..
well, I don't remember it, actually.
So yeah, other than that,
I'm freakishly happy today, and I don't give damn.
Maaaaaaan... today just couldn't get any better.

I PROMISE, I'm getting sleep tonight. Swears.


- gmari .

snap?!

and just like that, satisfaction never felt so damn good.

So, in my comtech class there's this assignment that has to be done.
It's a magazine. For some reason, my creativity stopped today.
I think it was my lack of sleep.
How is it possible to only get 15 minutes of sleep and manage to stay
awake the whole day? I am superman, that's how. I think the only thing
that excited me all day long was the fact that I was amped about how angry
I was yesterday and that prom is coming soon. In 2 months to be exact.
I STILL DON'T HAVE A DRESS. I better not get last freakin' minute, or
I'm gonna cry. Well, probably not, but I will bitch =) Hysteria is the
BEST form of happiness. At least I think so...

Jobhunting soon! ..I promise :)
So that I can finally buy some shit from UrbanOutfitters (H)


- gmari .

Enough is Enough

I've had it up to HERE....







...with nightschool.


- gmari .

lost visionaries

I have lost the mental capability to invision moments in a peferable order inside my head. in simple terms...
MY IMAGINATION IS GONE.

just like vodka at an alcoholic convention.
GONE.


- gmari .

pmallmaniacs

Today was my Pmall adventure with my godmother :D

Bought 4 things today with not my money :) (the best thing to spend)
- 2 pairs of earrings (2 for 20$)
- Paul Frank purse bag (23$)
- jacket sweater (22.20)
+ lunch & snacks

I think today was very benifical. Bonding, laughing and spending.
What a good way to live out a day. So, thus concludes what I did.
Thoughts? There was a few. I was totally getting into the whole,
dressing like a typical chinese person. Considering the fact that
I'm not chinese. Horrah? I also was hoping to bump into a few people,
but I only bumped into Ate Sam and Mark Gapas. Great. I'm a bit
over anxious for prom to start. The moment I talked about it with
my aunt, was when I started to think of what to wear. Then, who I
was going with. Bleh. Whatever happens, happens.

So, honestly, I need a damn job. I need damn money. I need, I need, I need.
Funny how I don't want things anymore. There's just a shitload of needing.
Here's another.. music. I think I need to lose myself in it. Only 'cause
music is just that damn awesome.

I think I should take up turntables again.. hmm..


- gmari .

BACK AGAIN?

After years of not going on blogspot, I'm finally back again.
I was on a hiatus of blogging here and moved to LiveJournal.
After 3 years of letting it all out on LJ, I decide to go back.
Actually, I've decided that a week ago, but as you should know,
I'm incredibly lazy.

SO YES, the reason I decided to move my ass back here,
was because I'm a little bored on the LJ scene. I like
it and all, but I'm a bit bored. Remembering blogspot
days was.. hell, I don't even remember. When did I write
in this? 8 million years ago? UHK. Anyway, so I'm back
for the time being. Mind you, I'm keeping LJ, while
keeping this. Back to the computer fatass I am.

So, I will be on this frequently, no doubts.
If I get lazy to write, I'll post up a vlog,
aaaand. That's about it. I'm not really sure
what I wanna rant about today, so I'll leave
it for tomorrow. Peace and later days.

P.S. reminder: WATCH SNL.


- gmari .